October 20th, 2010
Dear Mr. Cashman:
I am writing to express my interest in the position of Manager of the New York Yankees. It is my understanding that the person in that role currently will have his contract reevaluated at season’s end and I would like to submit my resume for consideration.
This role has always interested me, but after watching Game 4 of the 2010 ALCS in person, I am convinced that I have the tools to do the job.
If made manager, I promise that Yankee fans will never again have to feel the frustration of watching Nick Swisher bunt or the team’s best relievers rot away in the bullpen during key moments. Yankee fans also will never be subjected to watching Francisco Cervelli start an important game and they certainly would never see him come to the plate with men on base in an important game.
I know the current Yankee Manager enjoys looking for favorable matchups – even if that means making seemingly excessive pitching changes. However, I am not sure exactly what his algorithm is in deciding what makes a matchup favorable and when to make these changes, other than that he takes into account which hand a pitcher throws with. If made manager, evaluating this process will be foremost on my agenda and I promise to factor in things like situation leverage and a pitcher’s past performance.
I think my excellent memory will help me in this role. For example, I remember Game 3 of the 2010 ALCS, when Josh Hamilton hit a rocket off of Boone Logan. I also routinely remember that Joba Chamberlain is alive and that Sergio Mitre is bad at pitching. I think both will help me with bullpen management. I also remember that AJ Burnett gives up a lot of homeruns, which could mean future danger if he pitches with men on base – especially if those men on base were intentionally put there.
I would like you to note that generally I have been extremely supportive of the current Manager’s work; however I feel now might be a good time to reevaluate the position.
Thank you for your consideration.
Yankee Blogger (2006 – Present) Responsibilities include writing satirical blog posts about insane baseball decisions, defending Alex Rodriguez from undue criticism, pointing out wildly incompetent umpiring, explaining the flaws of bunting, and finding new and interesting ways to continue to mention Nick Johnson.
Advanced Yankee Fan (2002-2006) Responsibilities included understanding small sample sizes, engaging friends in Yankee conversation at inappropriate times, and pointing out when Joe Torre was asleep.
Yankee Fan (1996-2002) Cheered for the Yankees at all costs. While responsibilities for this role were limited, it did require excessive pride and a mastery of things like intangibles, mystique, and aura.
Beleaguered Yankee Fan (1982-1995) Responsibilities were limited to knowing who was on the team and watching at least 10 games a year. Also required to argue that Don Mattingly was the best player in baseball, despite any circumstantial evidence to the contrary.
Hundreds of hours have been spent at both institutions, reading articles, researching statistics, and listening to podcasts. Currently hold a double major in Nick Johnson‘s OBP and Derek Jeter‘s ground-ball rate, with a minor in Brett Gardner‘s UZR.
– Never booed Alex Rodriguez.
– On numerous occasions, explained the positional value of playing Jorge Posada at catcher.
– Said bringing Javier Vazquez into Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS was a bad idea before it happened.
– Successfully sat in the stands until the 9th inning of both the 2010 ALCS Game 3 and Game 4.